tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15053069033111915342024-03-05T15:21:49.972-06:00Hurting InsideMy struggles with AnaAna Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.comBlogger196125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-5394430252158300922013-08-08T01:22:00.002-05:002013-08-08T01:22:43.318-05:00UghI purged for the first time in a few years tonight. Forgot how much it hurts, I mean my throat is still on fire. It's because I'm bored and lonely so I decided to past the time over eating and throwing it all up. At least that way I'd have something to occupy my time. Anyway that's all I have to say for now. Tomorrow I start running again and either Tracy Anderson first mat DVD or restarting Metamorphosis. Either one will be good really because Miss Anderson is my weight loss Angel. Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-50125209331560752402013-07-29T02:00:00.001-05:002013-07-29T02:00:07.998-05:00Even my parents think I'm fat.I moved back to the Midwest about a month ago. It wasn't by choice it was because instead of my parents helping me get through some financial issues they threatened me until I caved. Let me tell you it's been absolutely horrible. Not only am I 26 about to be 27 in a few months and living in my parents house again I'm treated like I'm 10 years old. I'm bored out of my mind because I have no job, no friends and no life here. I'm absolutely miserable and surrounded by foods I haven't allowed myself to look at in 2 years. <br />
<br />
Bread, peanut butter, ice cream, soup, cheese, pretzels, cereal, etc. I was living off a diet of plain oat meal, Thinkthin bars, baby food, Flintstones vitamins, apples and green veggies . A month ago I was between 140 and 145lbs that's 10-ish lbs from my 1st goal weight and now I'm 155. It's absolutely disgusting how little self control I had when I got back. I know the weight gain is due to boredom and being surrounded by forbidden food. I mean last night my father looked at me and asked if I was still running since I moved back and when I said no he looked and me and said you need to start running again tomorrow. My mother started talking about how my sister has food issues and is too skinny. I wanted to cry because my sister is pregnant and 4 days over due but still skinnier than I am. My family thinks I'm disgusting and I don't blame them I sit on my ass all day looking for jobs and I get bored and eating. Starting today I'm getting back on track. I want to be the girl people whisper about behind her back because they aren't sure if I'm just lucky or have an eating disorder. <br />
<br />
Goals:<br />
Only eat plain oatmeal, Greek yogurt or fruits and veggies.<br />
I only eat one of the above once a day<br />
Drink at least 4 bottles of water a day<br />
Start running again<br />
Stop feeling sorry for myself and start working on getting back to my beloved Los Angeles<br />
Stop saying "I" so much when I talk or write it makes me sound so self centered. Of course I'd have to actually have a life to stop being a selfish talker. Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-44860728729942194542013-07-24T18:59:00.000-05:002013-07-24T18:59:38.602-05:00Starting this againI've been thinking about starting this up again for awhile. After a lot of thought on how I decided to just go for it, although I might be deleting the old posts in the next few weeks. I don't know why I'm stating that since nobody is reading this haha. <br />
<br />
So today's calorie count<br />
<br />
Food Calories<br />
1/3 cup plain greek yogurt 47<br />
1 peach 69<br />
1 tbsp chopped almonds 62<br />
1 package Pretzel Crisps 110<br />
1 orange 87<br />
1 string cheese 50<br />
<br />
Grand total: 425<br />
<br />
Not a bad day considering the past few days I've gone way over my limit of 600. I really need to get some vegetables into my diet.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-58467482223401749592011-11-29T15:35:00.002-06:002011-11-29T15:42:51.978-06:00Perfection<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoS4JXQUji0mPWvXRaMQOxEJqrOhXY64M4VHDGSiNOyU0uMokH8U0wIuBakb6EAtC1EXQWX6n9baekuta2PbrYvhfKVD1hlt5u_lCxjIAUBGKNsL1Hc6pFpoYYdoiLGJmDWtSzwOwFq-3p/s1600/tumblr_l9w3he4PFv1qe0edlo1_500.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 311px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoS4JXQUji0mPWvXRaMQOxEJqrOhXY64M4VHDGSiNOyU0uMokH8U0wIuBakb6EAtC1EXQWX6n9baekuta2PbrYvhfKVD1hlt5u_lCxjIAUBGKNsL1Hc6pFpoYYdoiLGJmDWtSzwOwFq-3p/s320/tumblr_l9w3he4PFv1qe0edlo1_500.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680534826445371266" border="0" /></a><br />This is it this is the body I want. She doesn't look scary skinny she looks perfect. Of course if she lost anymore weight everyone would know something was up. But this is right before you cross the line and people just assume you watch what you eat and exercise. <br /><br />I'm contemplating putting up photos of my body from 2 months ago and now. There is a big difference between the two but I still look so gross and it will just make me look like a failure. Stay strong and good luck.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-19332470894411421662011-11-27T19:47:00.004-06:002011-11-27T20:19:23.680-06:00Well Hello ladiesFirst sorry about my last post it was completely unreadable. I know better then to post when I'm upset I can barely write a coherent thought when I'm feeling happy. So sorry I'll try not to do it again.<br /><br />I hope everyone's Thanksgiving wasn't too torturous. I didn't get to go home this year. It sucked because I like my family........well at times I like them I should say I love them. Most of them if we weren't related we would not be friends. Anyway so I didn't go home which meant no battling temptation with all the food I just had a reduced fat peanut butter wrap and half of a Think Thin bar. I didn't really mind being alone I mean I got to sleep in for the first Thanksgiving ever and I got to do whatever I wanted. I'm going to miss Christmas this year too that will probably be harder on me but I've never been a Thanksgiving fan I don't like Turkey.<br /><br />I turned 25 a week ago. Not much to say about that I'm 25 I still consider myself early 20's and I consider myself early 20's until the day I turn 30. Then early 3o's til I turn 40 and so on. Everyone always rolls their eyes at me when I say that but I honestly don't believe I ever have to get old. I mean yeah I have to age but I never have to get old. I'm hoping before I turn 26 to have finally lost this weight. I'm so close so so so close. I don't have a scale but my pants size keeps shrinking I'm almost a size 6. I want to be a 4 but I know once I get there it's not going to be enough and I'm going to want to be a 2 but I'm getting there that's all that matters.<br /><br />So I met a guy and he's older than my like way older than me. Not old enough to be my father but pretty damn close it's weird. I get so mad at him because he keeps telling me how skinny and gorgeous I am. I just want to scream at him. I'm a beached whale and I'm a night time 6 at best which means I'm a day time 3. I like spending time with him and talking with him but people give us strange looks when we are together. It makes me uncomfortable I don't think he cares because he's the older man with the young chick but people look at me like a gold digging whore. Oh which by the way ladies can we stop judging each other like that I'm guilty of doing it too but we need to stop putting each other down. Anyway I know we aren't going to work out. I mean I can never bring him home to my family are you kidding me I would be disowned. I feel so bad because he's falling hard or so he says and I'm going to have to break his heart. I'm not a good person I'll just slowly kill his soul if we stay together and I'll always feel like I have to defend our relationship it's just not going to work. I'm so sad this is the first time since I've started writing this that a guy has wanted to be with me. It feels so good to be wanted again and now it's going away.<br /><br />Ah I don't know I've got a lot to think about. Love you ladies stay strong. <br /><br />Last thing I've finally found sometime to sit down and read some of your blogs so happy to finally get to do that again. I think your all fantastic and so amazingly brave to bare your souls like you do. I know there are a couple of you who have commented on one of my posts and I haven't followed you back. I promise you I'm getting around to it I love all my followers and want to give the same support back that you give me.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-33460522969343702002011-11-09T22:08:00.002-06:002011-11-09T22:47:44.146-06:00Had a little emotional break downSo I had a break down today and it sucked because it lead to ice cream fuck. It's all because of the temp job I have. I'm working as an assistant to a department SVP for a major movie studio. Why I was given this job when I've never worked as an assistant before but they told me I'd do fine. Then I went to meet the SVP and told her I've never done assistant work before but I have done data entry and answered phones. She told me I'd do fine but I'm not I keep fucking up and getting yelled at I just keep hoping at the end of everyday she will tell me I'm not working so I can get a different assignment. So I called my mom on my way home and just cried and cried and cried and I'm still crying. The thing is I don't cry well I do but not often I'm hoping tomorrow she lets me go. I mean it's not really like getting fired all that happens is they tell the temp place that they are done with me and I get placed again. I'm sure I would be doing better at this job if my boss wasn't so high strung but she is and every little thing I do wrong she yells at me for in front of the other assistants who work for her in the office with the door open so the assistants and other VPs can hear how terrible I'm doing. My mom and dad said I shouldn't but I don't know what to do. Ugh I'm so emotionally drained I just want something for once in my life to workout I always feel like I'm failing. Seemingly great seems to happen then everything goes to shit. And I know life goes up and down but it's like things always take a mother fucking sharp plunge into shit. Now it's never gradual or like a steady climb to greatness before falling no it's sky rocket up sky rocket down in every single aspect of my life. <br /><br />Blah I'm just feeling sorry for myself things will be better tomorrow my brothers coming to visit me and I really excited because I really missed him. The moment I told him I was moving he immediately booked a close to my birthday so I wouldn't have to celebrate alone. I'm really excited at least for that. <br /><br />As for the move it's going okay I'm still living in hotels I was hoping that this temp assignment would last long enough so I could find my own apartment and get then find someone to move in with me. It seems that would be easier since people would be coming to me. There are times that I'm home sick and it get's lonely because I don't know anyone here but I'm happy. Yeah I'm really happy. I'm exhausted I'm going to bed let's hope that my next post had better news. I know something good is going to happen for me I can feel it in my bones. I may never be prestigious or rich or famous or beautiful or any other thing people dream of but something is going to happen to make me proud of me and that's all that matters.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-22148001731122567892011-10-30T01:35:00.004-05:002011-10-30T01:49:44.506-05:00I love/hate alcoholNow I remember why when I drink I only have one or drink until I pass out. Tonight I drank a bottle of wine which means I have a bit of a buzz. A bit of a buzz for me means I can't stop eating so I've been eating and eating and eating and I can't stop. Even if the food tastes gross I've been eating it. Like the people at one of my old jobs in MN gave me ramen before I left and I've never had that before but I made a pack because I had to stuff my face. I ate it all but it was nasty it's so salty I hated every bite but I couldn't stop then I had to servings of Kashi cereal with skim milk and a single serving size cheez-it (fuck I love cheez-it if I had an economy size of cheez-it that shit would be gone in a day) and now I'm eating a pint of ben and jerrys schweddy balls which isn't even worth it because it's not very good. I was so excited for an ice cream with booze in it because no matter how under control I've gotten my drinking I still feel like I'm probably border line alcoholic and it's just going to take one thing to set me off. Anyway I'm going to finish my ice cream and feel terrible about myself but tomorrow and Monday I'm only allowed to eat an apple but I'm really shooting for no food. I need to start working out again also I was doing so good before i moved but now it's been a month since I've done anything and I'm starting to get bat wings under my biceps from lack of exercise. Yuck it's so gross to look in the mirror and jiggle my arm and see that flap of skin giggle even after I stop moving my arm. <br /><br />I hope you ladies are having better control than I am. Happy Halloween and stay away from evil sugar filled candyAna Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-62722099129485433082011-10-11T19:18:00.003-05:002011-10-11T20:34:27.463-05:00Once again for the millionth time no titleSo I've been in Los Angeles for a week now. I have to keep reminding myself that because my day consists of me filling out job applications for 8 hours a day it starts to feel like a lot longer than that. I'm currently jumping from hotel to hotel because I can't find a roommate. I know I have to stop using the free websites and shell out the 60 bucks for the one that everyone tells me to use but I'm too cheap excuse me I mean too frugal to pay. I give myself another week until I crack and join the site. <br /><br />This first week was kind of crappy because my super cute zebra print bag that my friend gave me before I left was stolen. I'm not into animal print but it was like the perfect weekend bag and it was fun and I love things that are fun. Anyway so I lost my hair dryer and my brand new Hollywood obese jeans that were in it. Oh yeah I call myself Hollywood obese because I'm at the upper end of a healthy BMI but if I were to be cast in a movie I would be fat best friend/comic relief. Oh well I'm not buying more jeans until I get a new job I have limited funds and will just have to drown in my fat jeans until then.<br /><br />I've had a few slip ups on eating but really done very well. A lady I use to work with gave me a 4 lbs bag of trail mix. I know who needs a 4 lbs bag of trail mix right. Well it was really great because a serving of trail mix was 160 calories not bad and it's got protein and other good shit. So for like the first 4 or 5 days of this adventure I only ate 2-3 servings of trail mix a day so only 320-480 calories a day not bad if I say so. I did eat McDonalds twice but it was a kids meal so 510 calories on top of the trail mix calories so not fantastic either. Then today I ate a whole box of special K granola bars at 90 calories a pop. Now I remember why I never buy them because the salty sweet ones are so good and I can never eat just one. Then I had a smart ones which was 320 calories so not a great day. Plus I just sat at my computer all day so I didn't burn anything. Most days thought I'm so busy driving around that I forget to eat which is good. I'm not going to beat myself up over my slip ups though because it just causes me to eat more which just causes me to hate myself more and starts a terrible cycle that just causes me to gain weight instead of lose. <br /><br />That's it for now I can't wait for things to settle down so I can get back to reading everybody's (or is it s' I don't know I suck at grammar) I know I never comment because I don't feel like I have much to contribute but I do read them and am with you on your journeys in spirit. I'm going to start commenting though when I get back to reading them even if it's just a good job or keep your chin up because it's always nice to have the support.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-69350747445622513172011-10-01T22:41:00.002-05:002011-10-01T22:55:12.053-05:00movingAgain it's been awhile since I've posted. I've just been really busy getting ready to move to SoCal yay me. I leave Monday I'm so excited I'm finally going for it my family is pissed but fuck them and their negativity I'm going to do great things. I mean once I find a place to live and a job. I have so much to cover since the last time I posted and some of it is sad and I've had set backs but I really don't have time to get into it I have to finish packing. The only thing that really sucks about moving is all the going away I parties I've been going to. I mean don't get me wrong I really appreciate that people are going to miss me enough to throw me a party and want to wish me luck. I just hate that they have all been at restaurants. So I've had to eat because they are all watching me I feel like I've gained 30 lbs. At least I can starve on the drive to LA. <br /><br />Anyway I just wanted to get on say to August that reading about your rat dying really made me sad. I don't think your rat sounds dumb are pets become families and it hurts like hell to lose them. I'm sure your rat knew how much you loved her animals can sense those things and I'm sure you being with her made it less scary for her. <br /><br />Okay I'll probably be posting more on my drive across country.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-67061137051957459602011-07-14T22:53:00.003-05:002011-07-14T23:08:06.008-05:00BoredBlah my life has been so boring the past two years well three years as of August 1st. I've had no desire to constantly bore people with went to work, came home, went to bed. It's really pathetic I mean I'm 24 and scared to live life that's what I've done to myself. I've been so scared of life that I've successfully isolated myself from the world. It's gotten to the point where I've started making up stories about friends I don't have so people at work don't realize that I have no life. It's okay once I've gotten thin I'll make new friends until then I've got my imagination to keep me company. Fuck that makes me sound like such a fucking loser which I am. <br /><br />On a positive I've lost 30 lbs in 2 months off of a diet of 1 granola bar for breakfast, 1 apple for lunch and a spoon full of peanut butter for dinner with sugar free under 5 calorie gum when ever I feel like I'm going to pig the fuck out.<br /><br />I make no promises to update soon. Just know I'm on a journey to finally reach my ana goals and it (any Kerouac fans out their who get what I'm talking about because I've become obsessed with him) as fast as I can or I might finally lose my mind.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-40578200609337376512011-03-24T20:59:00.004-05:002011-03-24T21:19:11.283-05:00Extremely short post not of any importance.Sorry for deleting my last post I wrote it pretty late at night and when I woke up the next day I wasn't happy with it so I deleted it. I haven't been happy with any of my writing lately I have so many posts saved as drafts because I just couldn't get the words out write. Even right now I'm having a hard time expressing what I want to say. I feel so awkward it's like I'm 13 all over again I hope I do back to normal soon. <br /><br />Anyway I just wanted to jump on real fast to say sorry for the last post. I have to run and meet my sister for dinner which will consist of vodka and a lettuce. I need to drink when I see her because she only wants to meet up when she decides she needs to yell at me for something God she's such a bitch. I hope to be back soon good luck with your weight loss ladies.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-36236875601156308792011-01-30T21:42:00.003-06:002011-01-31T00:01:58.950-06:00California boundWell not yet but at the end February I'm heading to Hollywood for a week to search for a job and an apartment. I'm so excited so very very excited which for anyone familiar with my blog knows I really don't get excited about anything. I use to get excited about things but the last 3 or 4 years I've been just blah about everything. I have know idea where to even look to find a reasonably priced pet friendly apartment in a safe neighborhood (any suggestions) but I don't care. I'm going to be move by this summer and I just can't wait.<br /><br />My parents though have been making all sorts of snide comments about if I fuck things up out there they wont be around to rescue me. Well I'm 24 fucking years old I don't need them to rescue me I just wish they would support me. It doesn't matter they can try to talk me out of moving half way across the country but it's not going to work my ticket is bought my room is booked and I'm going. Ah just so excited it can't get here soon enough I'm finally doing something that will make me happy. <br /><br />Ok down to business I did a little bit better this week only 2 days over 1,000 calories. I really don't know what is wrong with me and my control. It's like some days when I have to eat because I'm meeting with some one it's like I have to force it down and pray that it wont come up 2 seconds later. Other days it's like I can't stop stuffing my fucking face. This week I'm only going to eat 900 calories or less everyday. I know 900 still sounds like a lot but I don't actually plan on hitting 900 calories I just like giving myself a lot of wiggle room just in case. <br /><br />Oh I got asked about what happened with the whole drunken work slip up I totally forgot to update on that. Let's just say works been awkward since it happened. The guy I work with didn't lose his job but he was severely reprimanded and told if they heard another complaint about him not working he was gone. So he's not talking to me which is fine because he's creepy and smelly and gross. I'm just keeping my head down and not saying much because no matter how much I dislike the guy I don't want to cost anyone their job. Also the people I do really like aren't really talking to me either because they aren't happy with me about it so things at work are pretty lonely and crappy right now but I'll manage.<br /><br />Hope to be back soon good luck ladies.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-73951929998911799462011-01-22T21:44:00.002-06:002011-01-22T22:46:27.328-06:00Not a great weekIt's been an extremely exhausting week for me. Monday was spent with me on the couch crying while stuffing my face. Tuesday and Wednesday was spent trying to hold back the sobs that where threatening to escape from my body. Of course holding back the lump in my throat isn't just emotionally exhausting but it's physically pain pain too so my throat was sore by the end of the day. The last three days I've had my emotions more under control but I've still been stuffing my face. So needless to say I've only been under 1,oo0 one day this week. <br /><br />The only plus side to being over 1,000 calories all week is that I started using my plate on livestrong.com. It's been really great way for me to track my food in take. So anyway I did the thing to determine my calorie goal instead of putting in my actual weight I put in my ideal weight and that I wanted to maintain it. So even though I've been over 1,000 calories I've been under the amount of calories I should eat to maintain my weight. I've even lost a few pounds this week but it would have been more if I would have been stronger. I will do better this week. So that was my week god I hope I didn't bore anyone to death with this post I'll work on making them more interesting again.<br /><br />Koala-<br />I'm so sorry your vet did that to you and your cat it breaks my heart. I couldn't even imagine watching that happen to one of my cats I would be just a mess. I'm just at a lost for words after reading I can't believe a vet would let an animal suffer like that.<br /><br />Gem-<br />I don't think your dogs blame you for their deaths. I always think if I were in the hospital about to die I would want someone I love to be there holding my hand and talking to me about all the good times we had while I took my last breaths I think it's the same for animals. I feel like being there and holding your animal shows them you care about them. Also having the strength to put then to sleep shows them you love them too much to let them live in pain or suffer in anyway.<br /><br />Thank you to both of you wonderful ladies for your love and support I really needed it.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-71012376312186165862011-01-17T19:05:00.003-06:002011-01-17T19:43:24.649-06:00Sad day I lost my dogToday I had to put my dog to sleep so all I've been doing is lying on the couch either trying not to cry or bawling my eyes out. The hardest part is how my heart breaks all over again when I walk in the door and he's not sitting there waiting to say hi. Or he's not running into the kitchen after me when I get a glass of water hoping I'll give him a treat. <br /><br />I know we did the right thing putting him down because he was in so much pain and finally got to the point last night where he couldn't even stand up so my brother had to carry him outside to go potty. It wouldn't have been fair to make him live like that. He truly was the best dog in the world.<br /><br />I guess that's all I'm trying to get back on some sort of posting schedule. It's been hard to make people read through my pathetic life. Anyway hopefully I'll post again soon.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-78380288138787110232011-01-06T19:18:00.002-06:002011-01-06T19:46:15.264-06:00I'm an idiotFuck fuck fuck fuck me up the ass fuck. Went out for my holiday party with my company tonight and well I kind of fucked up. When I drink my tongue gets loose and I start talk talk talking like crazy. of course being that I've eaten very little today the booze hit me a little faster then if I pigged out like the fat ass I am. Anyway so I work at a printing company as press support which means I sit at the end of the printing press and watch whatever we are printing come out of the ink dryer looking for ink leaks or imperfections. I know what you're thinking that has to the so boring to do day in and day out. Well your right it is but it's money so I'm not complaining. The worst part about it is the guy who runs the press will be like I hate my job so I'm going to take 8 hours to print 500 sheets and it drives me insane. I've been so frustrated with him that I accidentally told the owner of the company this. I'm so afraid I cost a man is job because I have no filter when I drink and is even worse when I don't eat before. shit!!!<br /><br />Fuck I'm so nervous about facing everybody on Monday I don't know what to do. Oh god what have I done.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-64311264612631679672010-09-06T21:44:00.002-05:002010-09-06T22:08:19.933-05:00Wedding slim down Days 8 and 9Days left: 26<br /><br />Fast went great really stuck to it. I drank mainly water but had one can of sprite zero. So yeah I'm pretty happy with how my fasting went. <br /><br />Today I hit 450 calories so I stayed under my calorie allowance. I didn't have time to exercise today as I was busy driving all over creation trying to find a bra for this fuck wedding. I ended up hitting up the Mall of America which is shocking because I fucking hate that place. Well I guess I did exercise then walking around that god forsaken place. I ended up spending $115 on two bras can you believe it I was grumbling the whole way home. <br /><br />Anyway back on subject it was a good day though I really need to step up the amount of water I'm drinking. I only drank two bottles today I'm shooting for 5 so I fell a bit short. I just hate water so much I guess I should try adding lemon juice to it. <br /><br />Alright ladies I'll see you tomorrow sorry for how repetitive my posts are getting I'm just so damn exhausted.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-24642856041527165252010-09-05T13:45:00.002-05:002010-09-05T13:54:11.106-05:00Wedding slim down Days 6, 7 and 8Days left: 27<br /><br />Sorry for missing two days of posting. Like I've said before I'm working 6 days a week. My Friday/Saturday job is cleaning offices which is constant moving so by the end of the day I'm exhausted. Days 6 and 7 were both perfect 500 calorie days with 8 hours of washing windows and pushing around an industrial sized vacuum cleaner. So I'm pretty sure I burned all those calories off woohoo.<br /><br />Today is fasting day and I couldn't be more excited. So far I don't even fell hungry. I have bottles and bottles of water stashed up in my room with me. I'm thinking I'm going to fast tomorrow too since it's a holiday and I don't have to be on my feet for 8 hours. I'll be back later tonight to up date how my fast is going. Love you girls stay strong.<br /><br />Hey Raynay thanks for mentioning pinning my dress if it's too big for me. I didn't even think of that but I'm going out to buy safety pins tonight just so I'm ready.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-47760660752060307592010-09-02T19:28:00.002-05:002010-09-02T19:56:28.030-05:00Wedding slim down Day 4 and 5Days Left: 30<br />Down 3 lbs<br /><br />Sorry I didn't get a chance to update yesterday between work and having to babysit I didn't have time to get online. Yesterday was an almost perfect day. Almost because the kids I watch made me cake and they wanted to watch me eat it. I managed to put it off until right before they went to bed. I eat about half a piece before managing to drop it on the floor oops. Once I got them to bed I purged the half I ate. Today on the other hand not so great I've had about 900 calories. I know how disgusting right. Ugh I'm so going to do sit ups and bicycles until I fall over. <br /><br />Mom keeps telling me I have to stop losing weight or my dress wont stay up. I just nodded my head and walked away. I don't know I think my family wants me to stay fat because they keep telling me I look fine and shouldn't worry about losing weight. It's like please we all know I'm a cow that looks like a beached whale when I put on a dress. <br /><br />Blah that's enough negativeness for today. Tomorrow is a new day when I get to be constantly moving for 8 hours. It's going to be a good day.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-42944424642962820192010-08-31T20:57:00.002-05:002010-08-31T21:06:41.468-05:00Wedding slim down DAY 3Days left:32<br /><br />Much better day today. Hopped on the bike for a 3 mile ride after work today. Oh and I did get a bit of exercise done yesterday when I babysat. One of the kids is a year old so I used him to weight lift by playing games like airplane and toss me in the air and catch me. It was a really good workout I was feeling it this morning. Let's see calories wise did exactly 500 today stayed within my limit so that is much better then yesterday.<br /><br />Tomorrow is another full day of work followed by babysitting. I'm shooting for a 400 calorie day followed by a fast on Thursday. Oh Oh I almost forgot tomorrow I'm getting on the scale not the most excited about that but I'm trying to keep myself in a positive mood. I'm not looking at the whole amount I weigh because I'm not going to be hitting my goal weight anytime soon. I'm just focusing on the amount lost. Keep your fingers crossed for at least 2 lbs. <br /><br />Hope you all continue to shrink.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-32961088381139653232010-08-30T18:55:00.002-05:002010-08-30T19:06:59.262-05:00Wedding slim down DAY 2Days left: 33<br /><br />Quick post before I have to run to my other job. I'm so exhausted working 3 different jobs 6 days straight is wearing me down. I came home from one job today and I started crying really hard I'm so tired. Anyway no exercise today I'm too busy for that. Calorie wise went over my max limit of 500 I wasn't as obsessive about tracking my calories today but ruff estimate of around 600 and I think that's probably higher than what I actually eat but I just don't have the time and energy to really figure it out. <br /><br />Sorry this is so short but I'm trying to really stick to my goal of posting everyday. Sorry my blog sucks ass I'm trying ladies I really am. Hopefully tomorrow my post is better. Think Thin Ladies.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-36952662177854619862010-08-29T20:31:00.004-05:002010-08-29T21:53:04.604-05:00Wedding slim down DAY 1Days Left: 34<br /><br />Here we go day one went well. My body is so sore form yesterdays work out that I can barely walk down my stairs. I know some of you are saying "girl that is not a good sign". My answer is your probably right but the pain reminds me I'm alive. We could get into a whole discussion about that last sentence and my self harming tendencies but this is not the time for that. We can have that conversation in 34 day. Back on topic I haven't exercised yet today but I'm going to do some light weight lifting after I post. Definitely need to take it easy for the next few days.<br /><br />So on to calories of the day.<br /><br />1 Piece of Cheese - 90 Calories<br />Low Cal Bread x2 - 80 Calories<br />Butter with Olive Oil x 1 Tbsp - 90 Calories<br />1 Apple - 80 Calories<br />Weird Diet program fudge cake - 100 Calories<br />Crystal Light - 10 Calories<br /><br />Grand total = 450 Calories<br /><br />50 more calories than I was hoping to consume today. Still could have been worse right so I'm happy overall with today. So onto tomorrow which is going to be a long day. Of working 2 out of 3 of my current jobs. Food wise I'm thinking 2 pieces of low calorie bread one slice for breakfast one for dinner. For lunch I'm thinking either an apple or lettuce. Also a lot of water I only had 2 bottles of water today far less then what I expect of myself.<br /><br />That's all for today I guess. Oh and sorry my posts being so generic and boring I've been out of practice for awhile as we all know I promise they will get better we will have some interesting times ahead with bridal showers and maid of honor duties starting to pick up.<br /><br />Sam I'm sure you looked beautiful and deliciously thin at the wedding you went to. I hope you had a good time.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-70871736278460286392010-08-28T21:38:00.004-05:002010-08-28T21:56:47.292-05:00Wedding is close time to get my fat ass in gearAlright ladies here we go one month to wedding time and well I'm no where near being skinny enough of course that's my own fucking fault. There's nothing I can about being a dumb ass and eating now. So here's the plan for the next month:<br /><br />- Fasting at least twice a week but shooting for every other day<br />- Days I do eat only 500 calories max<br />- Exercise everyday<br />- Blog every day when possible<br /><br />Not the most complicated plan I know but really basic are best. Not a long post but I'm exhausted from working out a 3 times today. Talk to you tomorrow ladies.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-414377663994755972010-08-10T17:53:00.003-05:002010-08-10T18:38:55.416-05:00Being a Nanny is hell on my waist line<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">PSA</span>: I do not advise anyone anywhere to binge and purge or to starve <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">themselves</span> ok on to the post<br /><br />Last Monday after I put the kids down I purged in a strangers house after making cup cakes and shoving them in my fat face. Note to self remember to buy a toothbrush and toothpaste to keep in my purse at all times. It was not fun sitting around for 3 hours with barf breath waiting to be off duty. Ugh sometimes I think I need a live in position so I don't have to deal with that shit.<br /><br />For the past week I've been up north being a nanny for a different family and I've stuffed my fat face. I've l0st 10 pounds this month but I feel like this week I gained it all back. Tomorrow I'm planning on doing a one day fast. I would like to make it longer but I have to drive 6 hours home on Thursday and I don't feel safe doing that on an empty stomach. I have a bridal shower Thursday night so I'm going to have to eat something. I'm thinking a Friday/Saturday fast and anything that gets put in my body other than water is getting purged out I don't have much time left before this wedding and I need to stop being weak. I fucking hate myself for eating so much I think tonight I'm going to have a nice purge session when I put the kids to bed. I need to seriously start learning how to fake eating <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">in front</span> of people I really suck at it. Thank god I get a few hours off during lunch time so I can claim to have eaten lunch when everyone is gone. Only problem is when the parents eat dinner and I'm like I'm not hungry and they are like we haven't seen you eat all day so I have to eat with them. Then it's like I go nuts with food. Not tomorrow though ladies I don't care who bugs me I'm not eating.<br /><br />Yuck I just at two corn dogs blah because the kids didn't want to finish them plus the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">hot dogs</span> and string cheese they took two bites from before wanting to eat corn dogs worst part is I can't purge while they are awake and it's two hours before they go to bed a lot of good that will do me. Well wish me luck ladies tomorrow is a big day.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-44123079184320291022010-07-23T23:13:00.002-05:002010-07-24T00:30:32.130-05:00Thank You Anonumous commentor<span dir="ltr">I don't know if you will ever stop by and read this again but thank you a million times thank you. I logged on not really sure what to write about. I was really just looking for a distraction form showing any emotions that would get me accused of feeling sorry for myself after being put threw the ringer by my family. That's a totally different post sorry. I cried so hard while I read it because it was exactly what I needed someone to say they understood without trying to hide pity or push for change. I'm really bad at trying to expressing my feelings in words but just know I will keep your words in my heart forever and maybe take a few art classes along the way. <br /><br /><br /></span>Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1505306903311191534.post-50692788110877790362010-06-07T14:38:00.004-05:002010-06-07T14:55:22.442-05:00Not so cranky this week I hopeI've finally got this restricting thing back under control. Well not the complete control I once had but I know that I just have to give it time and I'll be back to things like fasting for a few days in no time. Getting back into restricting was the worst I was such a cranky bitch it was awful. Lots of warm water with 5 calorie cranberry mix. some diet coke and a bag or two of 100 calorie popcorn in the morning or around 5pm have helped stop the rumble of my tummy. <br /><br />I am still having some difficulty though because when I lived on my own I kept very little to no food in my apartment but my parents have so much food and peanut butter *drools*. God I love peanut butter I don't even need bread to eat that shit just give me the jar and a spoon and I'm in heaven. Oops a little off subject there sorry. Anyway having so much food around is difficult for me because I swear it's like a magnet for me and pulls me in to it. I'm really looking for any advice people have to help with this I know many of you live with other people so have kitchens full of food also how do you deal with it?<br /><br />I have to get going my mom will be home soon and if I look like I've been in bed all day there will be hell to pay I tell you what. Love you ladies stay strong.Ana Nashttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00090657896156455665noreply@blogger.com5