Fasting Day

Today I am fasting as always if I feel like I can't take it anymore then I will drink some crystal light. I have found that it really helps quiet my stomach down. I'll be back to write more later today but now I have to get some sleep before I go to work.

I survived the meet up the ex best friend but OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!

All I'm going to say is that bitch is such a hypocrite it's not even funny. I've eaten like a cow but I'm pissed off and I'm not going to exercise just going to sit on my couch and pout and probably clean because I can. Even if I probably gained 30lbs yesterday.

You know she yelled at me because she found out I did a little noise candy in the 4 months that I just wasn't worth her time. Then last night I find out she had decided to smoke some Meth a few times because she says the guy told her it was coke in rock form I was like you are so dumb I'm just so I don't even know I didn't even say anything all night she kept yapping until 3 am. Telling me all this shit she's been doing that she yelled at me for doing I was like you shouldn't tell people you are doing this shit because if I was a bitch I could go to child protective services and get your kid taken away. She's so stupid and she makes me so angry and nothing got resolved last night it was a waste of my time and I'm pissed and ah I can't even speak right now I'm so angry.

I'm not really not creative these days,

I was having a really awesome day only 400 calories. Then my mom came over and gave me 13 Panera Cinnamon Crunch bangles why I have no idea but she did and then it was like there goes my good day I ended up eating 5 of them yuck. Well I guess that means I have to work out extra hard tomorrow. I normally would be more upset about this but I'm trying to not get so worked up anymore about messing up because it just makes me binge more.

So tomorrow I'm meeting up with the ex-best friend for coffee yeah it was my idea but only to apologize and part ways. Like I've said before I'm an old fashion I believe in talking face to face with people but she took it as we were best friends again and is like I was there for you and you pushed me away. Which all I keep thinking is no you were not you whore so I don't know we will see were things go. I'm still am stand offish because she keeps throwing the fact that I wanted to kill myself on New Years in my face even though instead of helping me through it she went to bed that bitch. This is going to be a disaster we are meeting up for coffee for 2 different reasons. I will let you ladies know what went down tomorrow.

Hey Jamie I'm from Minnesota depending on tomorrow I might have to take a pit stop in Illinois sooner then I thought.

Love you ladies keep starving yourselves

So I didn't lose my job I'm just on 30 days probation which is a relief I guess. It means that I still have income coming in even if it isn't very much.

Let's see I guess onto my Ana life. Things have been going much better this week I mean much much much better. Today I had a hand full 24 Teddy Grams (130 calories), 1/2 a cup white rice (200 calories) with 2 tsp of Soy Sauce (10 calories) so a grand total of 340 calories today not bad at all. Plus I spent 3 hours planting flowers today it took me so long because I had put new soil in the garden and such. According to the calorie burning cart thing I consulted I burned 870 calories which seems high to me but if that is really true then I burned more calories then I took in.

My mom gave me this at home exercise thing called The Firm and there is a 30 day work calendar where you alternate DVD workouts. Yesterday I did the hi-def sculpt a 45 minute cardio/weight training workout and let me tell you I'm feeling it today. I love feeling sore when I move I always have. I seek that feeling out I'm almost obsessed with that feeling. Anyway today I was suppose to do this Cardio Party workout and I did about 5 minutes before being like I can't keep up with this. Tomorrow is a rest day but I might do the next workout DVD to speed things up. I'm suppose to see results in 10 workouts so I'm really excited to see it start working and if I keep my intake less then my output then maybe the results will come faster.

That's pretty much all I've got to say I guess for today I might be back later tonight to add more if I think of anything else. For now though it's off to take a nice hot shower then maybe an adult beverage or two then it's off to bed.

Oh and Jamie thanks for offering to hook me up with your dealer next time I'm in Illinois I will give you a call.

Can't sleep

So today is the big day where I get to go into work and see if they are going to fire me. I'm pretty sure they will because that's they way my life is just one crappy event after another but that's ok because I've gotten to the point where I just accept that my life is like that. I believe Charlie put it best on one of our first dates that bad luck and unhappiness find me where ever I am. It's true but I think one day those things will stop finding me and happiness will be the only thing seeks me out in life. I don't know why I keep clinging to that unrealistic dream but I do. No matter what happens tomorrow job wise I'm going home and drinking my day away.

Hello and thanks to all the new followers I'm now up to 61 which is awesome. I'm still amazed every time I log on and see my follower number I thought for sure when I started this blog I would have zero but for some reason you ladies find me interesting enough to check out what I have to say and like I've said a million times before I love you all so much.

Let's see what else oh yeah Ana thanks for being all excited that I fixed my own computer I was really proud of myself for it. I'm normally like you and just hand it off to some guy I know to fix it but this time I was like you know what I'm doing it myself and I did.

No title today

I finally fixed my computer all on my own go me! I'm so excited to finally be able to read and comment on all your blogs again.

The eating plan is going ok not perfectly but each day it's getting easier so I'm thinking by the middle of this week I should be able to go more then 1 day with no food. Feeling pretty good about that I was never very good at fasting for long periods of time. I'm better at restricting and being the chick that breaks up my food I do eat into itty bitty pieces. I have to get on the scale sometime this week to see how much weight I gained but I really don't feel like crying my eyes out over it yet.

Ah I fucked up again I was suppose to cover a shift at work on Saturday but my power went out so my alarms never went off. FUCK ME!! I don't know who I'm suppose to call to even tell them that and I feel like that is a really lame sounding excuse and they are going to think I'm lying but it's the truth. I've been doing so well at this job been on time everyday even early which well is something that I haven't done very often in my working life so I'm like fuck why do you always fuck everything up Nas fuck (sorry for the language but I swear like a sailor). Well I will have to wait until Wednesday to see if I'm fired I'm slowly becoming unemployable.

I guess that's really all I have to say today which is surprising because lord knows I normally can't shut the hell up. Oh well just not feeling chatty today mainly because I'm avoiding things but hey we all know soon enough I'll give in and spill it to you ladies soon enough.

Keep starving ladies if you want it bad enough it will happen.

I've been a oinky oink pig

Ok so I've been a big fat piggy this past week and because my girly
time was starting isnt a valid excuse. I was weak and no not only am I
bloated but I'm fat. Starting today for the next 7 days I am going to
try and not eat anything everyday. I am allowed to have 2 crystal
light on the go things a day which will bring me to 10cals. Now if
and when I get to the point where I feel to weak then I can have a
half of an on the go crystal light thing. Finally an hour after that
if I'm still feeling weak then I can eat 1/4 cup of rice which be
about 50 cals but that is only if I become to weak to function.

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