Wedding slim down DAY 2

Days left: 33

Quick post before I have to run to my other job. I'm so exhausted working 3 different jobs 6 days straight is wearing me down. I came home from one job today and I started crying really hard I'm so tired. Anyway no exercise today I'm too busy for that. Calorie wise went over my max limit of 500 I wasn't as obsessive about tracking my calories today but ruff estimate of around 600 and I think that's probably higher than what I actually eat but I just don't have the time and energy to really figure it out.

Sorry this is so short but I'm trying to really stick to my goal of posting everyday. Sorry my blog sucks ass I'm trying ladies I really am. Hopefully tomorrow my post is better. Think Thin Ladies.

Wedding slim down DAY 1

Days Left: 34

Here we go day one went well. My body is so sore form yesterdays work out that I can barely walk down my stairs. I know some of you are saying "girl that is not a good sign". My answer is your probably right but the pain reminds me I'm alive. We could get into a whole discussion about that last sentence and my self harming tendencies but this is not the time for that. We can have that conversation in 34 day. Back on topic I haven't exercised yet today but I'm going to do some light weight lifting after I post. Definitely need to take it easy for the next few days.

So on to calories of the day.

1 Piece of Cheese - 90 Calories
Low Cal Bread x2 - 80 Calories
Butter with Olive Oil x 1 Tbsp - 90 Calories
1 Apple - 80 Calories
Weird Diet program fudge cake - 100 Calories
Crystal Light - 10 Calories

Grand total = 450 Calories

50 more calories than I was hoping to consume today. Still could have been worse right so I'm happy overall with today. So onto tomorrow which is going to be a long day. Of working 2 out of 3 of my current jobs. Food wise I'm thinking 2 pieces of low calorie bread one slice for breakfast one for dinner. For lunch I'm thinking either an apple or lettuce. Also a lot of water I only had 2 bottles of water today far less then what I expect of myself.

That's all for today I guess. Oh and sorry my posts being so generic and boring I've been out of practice for awhile as we all know I promise they will get better we will have some interesting times ahead with bridal showers and maid of honor duties starting to pick up.

Sam I'm sure you looked beautiful and deliciously thin at the wedding you went to. I hope you had a good time.

Wedding is close time to get my fat ass in gear

Alright ladies here we go one month to wedding time and well I'm no where near being skinny enough of course that's my own fucking fault. There's nothing I can about being a dumb ass and eating now. So here's the plan for the next month:

- Fasting at least twice a week but shooting for every other day
- Days I do eat only 500 calories max
- Exercise everyday
- Blog every day when possible

Not the most complicated plan I know but really basic are best. Not a long post but I'm exhausted from working out a 3 times today. Talk to you tomorrow ladies.

Being a Nanny is hell on my waist line

PSA: I do not advise anyone anywhere to binge and purge or to starve themselves ok on to the post

Last Monday after I put the kids down I purged in a strangers house after making cup cakes and shoving them in my fat face. Note to self remember to buy a toothbrush and toothpaste to keep in my purse at all times. It was not fun sitting around for 3 hours with barf breath waiting to be off duty. Ugh sometimes I think I need a live in position so I don't have to deal with that shit.

For the past week I've been up north being a nanny for a different family and I've stuffed my fat face. I've l0st 10 pounds this month but I feel like this week I gained it all back. Tomorrow I'm planning on doing a one day fast. I would like to make it longer but I have to drive 6 hours home on Thursday and I don't feel safe doing that on an empty stomach. I have a bridal shower Thursday night so I'm going to have to eat something. I'm thinking a Friday/Saturday fast and anything that gets put in my body other than water is getting purged out I don't have much time left before this wedding and I need to stop being weak. I fucking hate myself for eating so much I think tonight I'm going to have a nice purge session when I put the kids to bed. I need to seriously start learning how to fake eating in front of people I really suck at it. Thank god I get a few hours off during lunch time so I can claim to have eaten lunch when everyone is gone. Only problem is when the parents eat dinner and I'm like I'm not hungry and they are like we haven't seen you eat all day so I have to eat with them. Then it's like I go nuts with food. Not tomorrow though ladies I don't care who bugs me I'm not eating.

Yuck I just at two corn dogs blah because the kids didn't want to finish them plus the hot dogs and string cheese they took two bites from before wanting to eat corn dogs worst part is I can't purge while they are awake and it's two hours before they go to bed a lot of good that will do me. Well wish me luck ladies tomorrow is a big day.

Thank You Anonumous commentor

I don't know if you will ever stop by and read this again but thank you a million times thank you. I logged on not really sure what to write about. I was really just looking for a distraction form showing any emotions that would get me accused of feeling sorry for myself after being put threw the ringer by my family. That's a totally different post sorry. I cried so hard while I read it because it was exactly what I needed someone to say they understood without trying to hide pity or push for change. I'm really bad at trying to expressing my feelings in words but just know I will keep your words in my heart forever and maybe take a few art classes along the way.

Not so cranky this week I hope

I've finally got this restricting thing back under control. Well not the complete control I once had but I know that I just have to give it time and I'll be back to things like fasting for a few days in no time. Getting back into restricting was the worst I was such a cranky bitch it was awful. Lots of warm water with 5 calorie cranberry mix. some diet coke and a bag or two of 100 calorie popcorn in the morning or around 5pm have helped stop the rumble of my tummy.

I am still having some difficulty though because when I lived on my own I kept very little to no food in my apartment but my parents have so much food and peanut butter *drools*. God I love peanut butter I don't even need bread to eat that shit just give me the jar and a spoon and I'm in heaven. Oops a little off subject there sorry. Anyway having so much food around is difficult for me because I swear it's like a magnet for me and pulls me in to it. I'm really looking for any advice people have to help with this I know many of you live with other people so have kitchens full of food also how do you deal with it?

I have to get going my mom will be home soon and if I look like I've been in bed all day there will be hell to pay I tell you what. Love you ladies stay strong.

Good calories day

Been a good die my computer is about to die so I don't have much time to write. All I ate today was a bowl of Apple Jacks with fat free skim milk calorie total of 140. Plus two vodka diet cokes which comes to 138 calories. Plus I'm going to have 100 calorie popcorn thing. So that give me a grand total of 478 today. Not bad for my first day of letting Ana take control again. I've been fighting her off since my last post I wanted to be normal but I'm a fat ass and nobody wants a fat actor. Be back later when I can still my mom/the bitches laptop power cord my fucking cats chewed through mine and I have no money to buy a new one. Bye ladies.