I love/hate alcohol

Now I remember why when I drink I only have one or drink until I pass out. Tonight I drank a bottle of wine which means I have a bit of a buzz. A bit of a buzz for me means I can't stop eating so I've been eating and eating and eating and I can't stop. Even if the food tastes gross I've been eating it. Like the people at one of my old jobs in MN gave me ramen before I left and I've never had that before but I made a pack because I had to stuff my face. I ate it all but it was nasty it's so salty I hated every bite but I couldn't stop then I had to servings of Kashi cereal with skim milk and a single serving size cheez-it (fuck I love cheez-it if I had an economy size of cheez-it that shit would be gone in a day) and now I'm eating a pint of ben and jerrys schweddy balls which isn't even worth it because it's not very good. I was so excited for an ice cream with booze in it because no matter how under control I've gotten my drinking I still feel like I'm probably border line alcoholic and it's just going to take one thing to set me off. Anyway I'm going to finish my ice cream and feel terrible about myself but tomorrow and Monday I'm only allowed to eat an apple but I'm really shooting for no food. I need to start working out again also I was doing so good before i moved but now it's been a month since I've done anything and I'm starting to get bat wings under my biceps from lack of exercise. Yuck it's so gross to look in the mirror and jiggle my arm and see that flap of skin giggle even after I stop moving my arm.

I hope you ladies are having better control than I am. Happy Halloween and stay away from evil sugar filled candy

Once again for the millionth time no title

So I've been in Los Angeles for a week now. I have to keep reminding myself that because my day consists of me filling out job applications for 8 hours a day it starts to feel like a lot longer than that. I'm currently jumping from hotel to hotel because I can't find a roommate. I know I have to stop using the free websites and shell out the 60 bucks for the one that everyone tells me to use but I'm too cheap excuse me I mean too frugal to pay. I give myself another week until I crack and join the site.

This first week was kind of crappy because my super cute zebra print bag that my friend gave me before I left was stolen. I'm not into animal print but it was like the perfect weekend bag and it was fun and I love things that are fun. Anyway so I lost my hair dryer and my brand new Hollywood obese jeans that were in it. Oh yeah I call myself Hollywood obese because I'm at the upper end of a healthy BMI but if I were to be cast in a movie I would be fat best friend/comic relief. Oh well I'm not buying more jeans until I get a new job I have limited funds and will just have to drown in my fat jeans until then.

I've had a few slip ups on eating but really done very well. A lady I use to work with gave me a 4 lbs bag of trail mix. I know who needs a 4 lbs bag of trail mix right. Well it was really great because a serving of trail mix was 160 calories not bad and it's got protein and other good shit. So for like the first 4 or 5 days of this adventure I only ate 2-3 servings of trail mix a day so only 320-480 calories a day not bad if I say so. I did eat McDonalds twice but it was a kids meal so 510 calories on top of the trail mix calories so not fantastic either. Then today I ate a whole box of special K granola bars at 90 calories a pop. Now I remember why I never buy them because the salty sweet ones are so good and I can never eat just one. Then I had a smart ones which was 320 calories so not a great day. Plus I just sat at my computer all day so I didn't burn anything. Most days thought I'm so busy driving around that I forget to eat which is good. I'm not going to beat myself up over my slip ups though because it just causes me to eat more which just causes me to hate myself more and starts a terrible cycle that just causes me to gain weight instead of lose.

That's it for now I can't wait for things to settle down so I can get back to reading everybody's (or is it s' I don't know I suck at grammar) I know I never comment because I don't feel like I have much to contribute but I do read them and am with you on your journeys in spirit. I'm going to start commenting though when I get back to reading them even if it's just a good job or keep your chin up because it's always nice to have the support.

moving

Again it's been awhile since I've posted. I've just been really busy getting ready to move to SoCal yay me. I leave Monday I'm so excited I'm finally going for it my family is pissed but fuck them and their negativity I'm going to do great things. I mean once I find a place to live and a job. I have so much to cover since the last time I posted and some of it is sad and I've had set backs but I really don't have time to get into it I have to finish packing. The only thing that really sucks about moving is all the going away I parties I've been going to. I mean don't get me wrong I really appreciate that people are going to miss me enough to throw me a party and want to wish me luck. I just hate that they have all been at restaurants. So I've had to eat because they are all watching me I feel like I've gained 30 lbs. At least I can starve on the drive to LA.

Anyway I just wanted to get on say to August that reading about your rat dying really made me sad. I don't think your rat sounds dumb are pets become families and it hurts like hell to lose them. I'm sure your rat knew how much you loved her animals can sense those things and I'm sure you being with her made it less scary for her.

Okay I'll probably be posting more on my drive across country.