Ugh

I purged for the first time in a few years tonight.  Forgot how much it hurts, I mean my throat is still on fire.  It's because I'm bored and lonely so I decided to past the time over eating and throwing it all up.  At least that way I'd have something to occupy my time.  Anyway that's all I have to say for now.  Tomorrow I start running again and either Tracy Anderson first mat DVD or restarting Metamorphosis.  Either one will be good really because Miss Anderson is my weight loss Angel. 

Even my parents think I'm fat.

I moved back to the Midwest about a month ago.  It wasn't by choice it was because instead of my parents helping me get through some financial issues they threatened me until I caved.  Let me tell you it's been absolutely horrible.  Not only am I 26 about to be 27 in a few months and living in my parents house again I'm treated like I'm 10 years old.  I'm bored out of my mind because I have no job, no friends and no life here.  I'm absolutely miserable and surrounded by foods I haven't allowed myself to look at in 2 years. 

Bread, peanut butter, ice cream, soup, cheese, pretzels, cereal, etc.  I was living off a diet of plain oat meal, Thinkthin bars, baby food, Flintstones vitamins, apples and green veggies .  A month ago I was between 140 and 145lbs that's 10-ish lbs from my 1st goal weight and now I'm 155.  It's absolutely disgusting how little self control I had when I got back.  I know the weight gain is due to boredom and being surrounded by forbidden food.  I mean last night my father looked at me and asked if I was still running since I moved back and when I said no he looked and me and said you need to start running again tomorrow.  My mother started talking about how my sister has food issues and is too skinny.  I wanted to cry because my sister is pregnant and 4 days over due but still skinnier than I am.  My family thinks I'm disgusting and I don't blame them I sit on my ass all day looking for jobs and I get bored and eating.  Starting today I'm getting back on track.  I want to be the girl people whisper about behind her back because they aren't sure if I'm just lucky or have an eating disorder.

Goals:
Only eat plain oatmeal, Greek yogurt or fruits and veggies.
I only eat one of the above once a day
Drink at least 4 bottles of water a day
Start running again
Stop feeling sorry for myself and start working on getting back to my beloved Los Angeles
Stop saying "I" so much when I talk or write it makes me sound so self centered.  Of course I'd have to actually have a life to stop being a selfish talker. 

Starting this again

I've been thinking about starting this up again for awhile.  After a lot of thought on how I decided to just go for it, although I might be deleting the old posts in the next few weeks.  I don't know why I'm stating that since nobody is reading this haha.

So today's calorie count

Food                                                   Calories
1/3 cup plain greek yogurt                    47
1 peach                                               69
1 tbsp chopped almonds                      62
1 package Pretzel Crisps                     110
1 orange                                              87
1 string cheese                                     50

Grand total: 425

Not a bad day considering the past few days I've gone way over my limit of 600.  I really need to get some vegetables into my diet.